The Choice
by JustWOW
Summary: Cuddy's thoughts at the end of "Help Me", about her relationship with Lucas/House and her decision to end it with Lucas. Spoilers through Help Me possibly "Now What".Starting at K... might become T. ABANDONED.  for now
1. McLife

Cuddy walked back from the emergency site to her car. She couldn't believe what happened today. She remembered the look on House's face as he got into the ambulance. That shattered look in his eyes, pain that she never got to see. She was so immersed in her thoughts; she walked right past her car. Turning to walk back she remembered the look of pain as she told him that there had never been an "us: and there never would be. That she didn't love him.

Cuddy shook her raven hair out of its elastic, feeling the little bits of gravel and concrete hit her arms and legs. She swept the hard little stones off herself, onto the gray floor mats. She could feel a bit of stone working its way down her back, leaving a long scratch. Reaching down her shirt she remembered the deep cut in House's shoulder, the crashing ceiling that had caused it. The fear she felt before she knew he was okay. That wasn't just friend fear, employee fear, or even oh-my-god-my-best-doctor fear. It was more. I can't think about this she thought as she forced the thoughts of House out of her head. _I'm in a relationship, I'm engaged. I have Lucas._ She had to keep reminding herself as she turned into the new street and the new driveway.

Thoughts of House still rushing through her head, she opened the new door, to the new house and saw her new fiancé her daughter on the couch, watching TV. She slid her coat off, trying not to disturb the scene in front of her. Shaking her scrubs off, she wove her way between the boxes and into the living room. A smile crept onto her lips, but morphed into a grimace this was her happy ending, she had this everything. Lucas was everything she wanted, everything she needed. But… it wasn't perfect. She couldn't get house out of her head. She was engaged, she was happy, she shouldn't be thinking of the jerk that she had told she didn't love.

_I was lying._

The realization crept over her slowly, taking its time to get to her brain.

_I was lying. I _do _love house. _She didn't want to. She didn't mean to she just… did. She sat on the couch next to Rachel, trying to calm her thoughts. Rubbing the little girls toes, she smiled. I'm just freaked out, she told herself, emotional experience, House almost dying… that would mess with anyone.

"Mama, what wrong?" Rachel pulled her head up from the couch, looking into Cuddy's eyes with a confused expression.

"Nothing baby. Just a hard day at work." Cuddy felt bad lying to Rachel, but she didn't know what to say. I mean, you can't just tell a four year old "sorry hun, I don't love Lucas anymore I'm in love with house but I don't know what to do." With out consequences. Rachel dropped the subject, going back into what ever was on TV.

I can't _love him._ It would never work. Cuddy could almost see the future, the fights and the inevitable heartbreak. She would try to change him, and shed fail. He was House who he was worked for him. But, at the same time there was definitely something between them, and she couldn't ignore it.

She also couldn't ignore he voice in the back of her head, sounding too much like House.

" Sure you've got the life you've always wanted. Go live in your Mcmansion with your McHusband in your perfectly boring McLife. You aren't made for cookie cutter Cuddy!"

She couldn't help feeling, well, _bored_ with this. Lucas was perfect, everything she'd dreamed of since she was a little girl. But she craved what she had with House. She needed that energy, that came from being with him.

Cuddy glanced away from the TV and looked at the clock. It was late and Rachel should be in bed. Standing up from the couch, she scooped her daughter up. " I'm gonna put Rachel to bed.' She smiled to her fiancé.

'Do you wan me to help?" Lucas asked in his, as always, polite way. Cuddy couldn't help feeling a wave of nausea. Her she was thinking about breaking off their engagement, and he had to be so nice.

'No it's alright, I've got her." Cuddy quipped, fighting the urge to scream.

She walked quietly toward the bathroom, little Rachel on her hip. Setting the little girl on the counter, she brushed her hair out of her face, she gently rubbed off a days worth of grime. Rachel smiled as Cuddy pinched her nose." Mommy!" she squealed, wriggling on the counter, Cuddy laughed as she brushed her daughters hair.

After getting Rachel ready for bed, she carried her into her room. Quietly shutting the door the thoughts of House rushed back in. This life was beginning to feel like a bad rerun, the same thing over and over. She wanted something with variety._ Just when you have everything, you realize how little that really is._ And then she knew. She just… KNEW.


	2. Shutting Doors

**Hey all! So this is Chapter 2. I'm sorry its short, I don't have a lot of time(it being thanksgiving and all). This is looking to be about 4 chapters, so don't hold your breath. I have no idea if anyone is even enjoying this, I only got two reviews. So if you want this to continue, please press that little button down there, and leave a comment! Oh and if you all find any mistakes please tell me. Okay let's get to the story…**

**_DISCLAIMER: I don't own House or any of the characters, thank you David Shore for letting me play with your toys._**

Doors

_And then she knew. She just… knew._

Cuddy walked into her bathroom. Plopping herself down on top of the closed toilet, she curled her knees up to her chest. How could this have happened? She was Lisa Cuddy. Strong, able to handle to world on her shoulders, this kind of thing didn't happen to her.

"Wake up and smell the coffee sunshine." Her House-voice jeered inside her head. "The bottom of your plane to paradise just dropped out. You're in the water with the sharks like the rest of us." Oh shut up she told it, even though she knew it was right.

Cuddy reached up and put face in her hands, feeling a surprising wetness. She hadn't even realized she was crying. "You're a mess." She told her self, "Stand up and face your problems, running never worked for you.'

Half of her brain wanted nothing more than to sit here and cry herself out. The other half was telling her to run screaming out of this house and disappear. But not even she expected what she did next.

Some part of herself forced the rest of her to stand. Cuddy brushed the black curls off her face and pulled her hair into a messy bun. She wiped away her tears and shrugged her shoulders.

"You can do this," she told herself.

Cuddy softly stepped back into the living room, and saw Lucas sitting on the couch. _You're NOT going to cry,_ she whispered under her breath. What she was about to do felt like jumping backwards off a cliff she had just pulled up on to. But that fall, well she knew it would be the ride of her life. House was that fall. Unexpected, dangerous and absolutely terrifyingly amazing. And she couldn't turn that chance down.

"Lucas?" she said quietly, trying to keep her voice from trembling, "I, uh, don't think this is going to work."

Her new fiancé lifted himself up from the couch with an ease House would envy. "What is it Lisa?" His voice was calm, totally unknowing of the storm to come.

"Well…" and then Cuddy just let go. She couldn't hold back and it all came tumbling out too fast. "I can't marry you. I love House. I shouldn't but I do and I think I always have and I don't know where this is going but I'm so sorry."

The look on Lucas's face was a strange mix of hurt and disappointment. But there wasn't a single trace of surprise, which is what Lisa had expected. "I thought you where over him. I thought you where happy. I guess I was wrong." His voice was so bitter, so full of hurt, that tears spilled uncontrolled from Cuddy's eyes. She didn't say anything, just reached and set the ring back in his hand. "I'm so sorry." She whispered and turned to go.

"You're making a big mistake." Lucas stated loudly, "You're going to be miserable. House is a jerk and you know it more than anyone. And yet you still want him. You're an idiot. But you know what, you two deserve each other. You're both asses."

Lisa didn't turn around, just let the tears silently break out of her eyes as she went and carefully picked up a sleeping Rachel. _Lucas has a right to be mad._

She wiped her tears off on her pink scrubs, forcing herself to stop crying. "Goodbye Lucas," she whispered, "this is over." And that was it. She grabbed her coat off its hook in the foyer and slipped it onto her arm. "I'll pick up my stuff tomorrow," she said as she stepped over boxes and out the door, shutting it behind her. Cuddy knew that she was shutting the door on the "perfect life", the life shed always dreamed of. But this… this felt _right._

**Okay! So there you have it, chapter 2. Please review so I know how I'm doing. Thanks for reading guys xD. It shouldn't take me too long to post again, hopefully chapter 3 will be up by Saturday.**


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